Sometimes, we dream up an idyllic picture in our minds of our children meeting their new sibling and hitting it off from day one. But, this is far from a realistic expectation. Even parents can struggle with immediate bonding and find that we need time. Similarly, children often need time to bond as siblings, too.
This bounding journey is best viewed through play, which is best thought of as an experience between your children that will evolve over many years. How siblings play together largely depends on the stage of play they are currently in, which can overlap or differ depending on the age gap.
As a reminder, here are the stages of play:
Unoccupied Play (0 months+):Newborns engage in sensory exploration and self-discovery through movements like arm waving and leg kicking, fostering orientation to the external world.
Solitary Play (3 months+ to toddlerhood):Children play alone to develop individual skills and interests, remaining focused on their own activities even in group settings like playdates.
Onlooker Play (2.5 years+):Children observe others' play without direct participation, building observational skills and understanding social cues without immediate interaction.
Parallel Play (3.5 years+):Children play alongside others without sharing goals or toys, engaging in independent activities side by side.
Associative Play (3-4 years+):Transitioning to more social interaction, children engage in loosely organized play, experimenting with early sharing and showing interest in peers' activities.
Cooperative Play (4-6 years+):True collaboration emerges around kindergarten age, where children actively work together, share ideas, negotiate rules, and achieve common goals, fostering teamwork and problem-solving skills.
Understanding how play relates to cognitive and social skill development can help us set realistic expectations—ensuring we’re not forcing them to do more things together than they are capable of. This doesn’t mean babies and toddlers won’t have meaningful interactions until they’re closer to preschool or kindergarten; it just means that what they find meaningful through play may be different than what we assume!
For example, babies and toddlers don’t typically share things because they’re still in those “precursor” stages where they are building themselves up as an individual. However, observing each other and playing in parallel is purposeful, too, as they gain so much knowledge about themselves in relation to others and in relation to their environment, all of which creates a healthy foundation for more social play later.
Consider, too, how there can be other moments throughout the day where connection is made. Bathtime, bedtime and mealtimes. For instance, when your toddler is eating dinner, it’s a great time for baby to join too even if they are not eating yet. These everyday connections will support their relationship and eventually support their play.