The prep and arrival of a new baby shifts your family's attention and focus – understandably. Older children may feel a sense of loss or competition for attention, leading them to seek reassurance and closeness in ways they did when they were younger, such as wanting to be held, fed, or comforted like a baby. Plus, they learn through observation and imitation. If they see the new baby receiving a lot of attention for cooing, babbling, or being held, they may mimic these behaviors to elicit similar attention and care.
You might notice a wide range of behaviors, at random, that feel like a setback, such as:
Trying to fit in the baby gear or asking to be babyworn again
Engaging in gibberish or baby babbles even though they can speak in sentences
Having potty accidents during the day or at night
An uptick in self-soothing strategies like thumb-sucking
Lack of interest to do things for themselves that they once insisted on trying without you, like putting their own shoes on. Now, they may ask for help.
Frequent nighttime wakings
An uptick in tantrums, whining, or other big feelings
Asking to drink from a bottle or your breast again, even if they’ve weaned
Two things can be true: your older child may be capable of more independence, and their need for close connection remains valid. Children don’t grow out of needing emotional closeness and physical help. In the same way, you might still ask your partner for help with things you can technically do by yourself.
When you notice these regressive behaviors, the best thing you can do is take them as important communication: Your child is trying to see if you still love them and if you’ll still help them when needed. The sooner you can provide this reassurance, the sooner they will feel confident about returning to their capable, independent selves.
On the contrary, if you respond to their needs with a touch of punishment or shame, like, “You don’t need my help with your shoes. You’re a big kid now,” this can feed into their fear that you are not there to help them anymore, which can actually result in more extreme behaviors.
In short, acting like a baby is often a way for them to express these complex feelings. It is not a true “setback” developmentally, just an expression of a valid need. Try not to worry and focus on quality time in practical ways, like ensuring phones are down during family meals or giving them 10 minutes of undivided attention when they approach you for connection.