After a long day of work, it’s typical that many of us adults crave some time to unwind. This is similar for children in the hours after school or daycare. Your toddler needs this transition, too, but doesn’t know how to go about doing it. Sometimes, this may unravel as dysregulation. You can help them (and yourself) have smoother after-school transitions by understanding what’s behind this “afterschool crash.”
Play is the work of childhood
Let that really sink in to better appreciate how hard your toddler is working, even when done through play! They are exploring intense cognitive and physical work. In addition, when you factor in the amount of energy your child is expending on social-emotional learning in a group setting, you can begin to understand why the little person you bring home at the end of their school day may seem like a chaos monster! And no, this does not mean they were in a “bad environment” or had a “bad day.” The afterschool crash, without other persistent or atypical concerns present between school and home, indicates that your child just needs to decompress because they had a good, productive day!
Here are some deeper reasons behind the “afterschool crash”:
Transitions are difficult for many children and cause both cognitive and emotional dysregulation. They require that children use executive skills that are still very much in development, such as cognitive flexibility and the ability to shift their attention. Leaving toys and people to whom they are attached can be an emotional experience, even though your child loves you! A child who has spent all day acclimating to their classroom may need some time to shift gears.
Toddlers are still getting used to the process of separation and reunion, so even if the morning goodbyes are going smoothly, your child may have some very big feelings when you are reunited. These feelings can emerge right at pick-up or later with wide-ranging responses, such as:
greeting you enthusiastically with a chomp
ignoring you and needing some time to be able to leave
bursting into tears or finding a “reason” for a tantrum so that they can let off emotional steam
In any case, responding to your child’s dysregulation with acceptance of their feelings allows them to feel safe and secure. You are giving them the message that you can hold their emotions and behaviors and remain present and available.
Things that help:
Predictability.Establishing a regular drop-off and pick-up routine can be very regulating. At the start of the day, always let your child know who will be picking them up. At the end of their day, find a way to connect, whether through a ritual hug or a few minutes spent reading a book together.
Consider their needs before making afterschool plans.If your child’s program ends at lunchtime, this might mean that they will most need a nap after a quick bite. Other children may need something different, like big movement and some playground time, a snack, or some cuddles and a quiet activity. Tune into your child’s individual needs and temperament to cultivate a “just-right” afterschool rhythm. As part of this, check in with their teachers for specific insights on how the first half of their day went. Your toddler’s naps and eating can have a big impact on what the second half of their day looks like.
Sensory resets.Specific activities can be quite grounding in terms of how they provide soothing sensory input. You can try things like swinging, walking barefoot in the grass, baths or water play, gazing at clouds, or dimming the lighting inside and playing music. These offerings can help your child return to a more regulated state.
Ultimately, life with a toddler can be a joyous, unpredictable, and sometimes exhausting roller coaster ride! Your toddler’s big emotions, limited self-regulation, and difficulty with transitions can make those afternoon windows feel extra tricky. With a little understanding and some tweaks to your pick-up routines, you can support conditions for your child to decompress properly from a big day of work!