Sudden fear of the dark can emerge as early as age 2 and continue to ebb and flow into preschool and kindergarten (and even the school years).
It may sound counterintuitive that your child should grow afraid of the dark as they get older, but there’s a logical reason for this. As their brains mature, their imaginations become more capable of running wild! The more they see, experience, and imagine, the more they perceive things as scary.
Here are some quick tips for easing fear of the dark:
Acknowledge their fear – don’t minimize it!This one is tricky. It’s tempting to say, “but there are no monsters!” However, when you respond by telling them there is nothing to be afraid of, they can end up feeling dismissed. Dismissal can make the worry almost feel “bigger” because no one hears the child’s reality. Acknowledging without minimizing sounds like, “I hear you. You think there are monsters in the closet. That’s a scary worry, so it makes sense you’d feel this way.”
Move to solidarity and solutions.Once you’ve validated and acknowledged their worry, it’s okay to move to solutions. Try relating to your child and offering solidarity with some form of, “I used to be afraid of the dark when I was kid too. Want to know what helped me feel better?”
Cultivate calm without feeding into their fears.If they think monsters are in the closet, avoid giving them more reason to think monsters do exist. Checking the closet for them or spraying “monster repellant” can backfire by leaving your child to think, “Monsters are real since my parents have to spray to keep them away!” Offer more neutral comfort measures instead, like: a security blanket or stuffy or a nighttime toolkit they can turn to when they miss you, such as a flashlight and a few family photos in a bin by their bedside.
Talk about nighttime during the day.Give them concrete information on why the world gets dark at night and how this is simply related to the sun setting and the moon rising. Many books, such as “The Book of Nighttime” by Usborne, discuss the beauty and normalcy of darkness and nighttime.
Above all, be sure their daytime exposure to sights, sounds, shows, and movies is not unintentionally fueling their fears. For example, premature exposure to fantasy – even if it seems child-centric, like a show about mermaids and dragons – can be terrifying for children under the age of four when they cannot clearly distinguish what is real and what is pretend. Young children should also not be exposed to the news, which is often riddled with stories that showcase trauma or heavy world events much too big for their stage of development.