The idea of Santa’s "nice and naughty list" is a holiday tradition so ingrained in many Christmases with kids, using it as a behavioral management tool where the child must behave in order to get presents! It’s even reinforced in the classic carols:

From a child development perspective, this is problematic. Not only is it harmful for your kids to internalize that they will have a less joyous Christmas if they are “bad,” but it’s also a manipulative, fear-based parenting tactic that can make undesirable behaviors worse in the long run.

It produces shame: Tying your child’s behavior to their worth with “good” or “bad” labels does not build a stronger moral compass; it can actually lower confidence, resilience, and emotional awareness. Children might start to believe they are a bad person if they are not perfect, which can create anxiety and produce a shame spiral over mistakes. Mistakes should always be treated as learning opportunities, not as measures of our worth.

It relies on fear, which doesn’t actually discipline: If children believe Santa is always watching and judging them, it can foster fear rather than intrinsic motivation to behave well. This external pressure doesn’t teach them why certain behaviors are important; they may just act out of fear of consequences. Immediate compliance is merely an indicator that your child is shutting down but hasn’t actually gained life skills to initiate better behavior choices in the future. Remember, discipline requires teaching – not punishing.

It’s reactive rather than supportive: No child – or adult – is "nice" all the time. It’s natural for kids to have moments of frustration or boundary-pushing as they learn to manage emotions. This is especially true during the holidays, when our pace often increases and surroundings grow overstimulating, making it even harder for children to regulate their emotions. Instead of abruptly increasing your expectations of your child, and then reacting negatively to developmentally typical behaviors, it’s more productive to prepare to meet your child where they are in their emotional capabilities. This step alone – planning to co-regulate and cultivate a safe space for them where guidance can respectfully happen – is a proactive way to minimize dysregulation and attention-seeking behaviors.

The idea that gifts (or love) depend on behavior sends a dangerous message. Children should never feel that your affection or Santa’s gifts are conditional. Unconditional love helps them feel secure, even when they make mistakes.

For starters, positive reinforcement. Instead of focusing on what children do wrong, catch them being kind or thoughtful during neutral moments. Positive reinforcement—acknowledging their good behavior without making it a grand event—teaches them that kindness and empathy are valuable all the time, not just when someone is watching.