Before you potty train your toddler or ditch the crib to meet a timeline set by your new baby’s arrival, PAUSE!
We know – there’s an element of excitement, hope of convenience, and maybe inklings of readiness from the older children for more “big kid” stuff. However, welcoming a new baby into the family is already a huge life change for them, and it’s a shift that often results in regressive behaviors and worries about stability. Adding more change to their routines can backfire at a time when they crave TLC – not more pressure to grow up.
This doesn’t mean that you should delay milestone support for your older children; it just means you should avoid:
Rushing milestones:If your main reason for prompting a new change is the baby coming, you may be overlooking the nuance of your older child’s true readiness. Let’s say you have a 2.5-year-old and want to reuse their crib for the new baby. It might sound logical to upgrade to a big kid bed, but toddlers won’t actually have the impulse control to stay in their new bed successfully yet. Experts recommend waiting to offer a big kid bed until closer to 4 years old.
Piling too much change on at once:While it might sound easier to tackle multiple changes in one season, it’s often easier for young children to navigate one change at a time. For example, suppose you toilet-train your 18-month-old before the baby comes on the basis of wanting to minimize diapers. In that case, they can end up regressing as soon as the baby arrives – or the process can be harder than it needs to be if they haven’t met the physiological, cognitive, motor, and emotional readiness markers to be successful at it.
Plus, being on an artificial deadline, such as baby’s arrival, often creates pressure around mastering changes quickly. This can feel more stressful for you and your child. Taking the time to master one skill before moving on to the next ensures a solid foundation and increases the likelihood of success.
The three-month buffer
If your older child seems ready for more independence, it can help to create a three-month buffer between transitions. So, if baby is due in January, start the other transition before October. Or, if baby was just born in June, consider the next big shift around September.
Respecting your child's unique timeline and creating some breathing room between transitions will likely make the transition more peaceful, sustainable, and successful.
This may not always be possible because it’s not always easy to plan life. So, if two changes need to occur close together, try to separate the change from the baby. For instance, if you really want to use the crib for the baby, introduce it as, “In our house, when you’re 2.5 years old, you get a bed!” instead of, “you are going to get a bed so your new baby can have the crib!” It’s a subtle difference but will help with the double transition.