Frustration tolerance is a helpful skill for babies, toddlers, and children to develop as they navigate the challenges of the world around them. It refers to our ability to cope with frustration, disappointment, or delay in gratification without becoming overly distressed. While temperament can impact this, it remains something you can concretely support during play!
Why frustration tolerance matters:
By helping your baby cope with frustration, you can lay the foundation for healthy emotional regulation and resilience in the future.
How to support your baby through frustration:
Allow frustration in the first place.If you’re swooping in to remove every problem that arises during play, then they can’t work through what they don’t experience! For example, let them try to pick up a ball when it rolls out of reach rather than retrieve it for them at the first sign of struggle.
Validate the feeling of frustration.“You’re trying so hard to reach the ball! You are frustrated, and you are working so hard to crawl to it.”
Offer that “just-right” challenge level.Introduce age-appropriate games and activities that involve simple problem-solving. Stacking with blocks, using their pincer grasp, or fitting shapes into corresponding holes can build their confidence, allowing them to realize they can do hard things that match their capabilities. If things are too hard, your baby will likely show excessive frustration. If things are too easy, your baby may show boredom or lack of interest.
Encourage patience.Gently introduce the concept of waiting with small increments, like 30-45 seconds at first. Use simple activities like taking turns or narrating the “First, then.” It will sound like, “First, I will finish my breakfast. Then, I will hold you!” This works best when your baby is calm. If your baby is crying and has unmet needs, it’s time to support them!
In short, remember that frustration is a normal part of life, and healthy struggle helps us build confidence around solving problems, adapting, and overcoming. Practicing this skill begins in infancy through the power of play!