The holiday season is a time for family gatherings, but it can also come with tricky questions about your parenting choices. Here are some common questions you might face, along with thoughtful responses to help guide the conversation.
1. "Can’t you just skip the nap/let them stay up late?"
A good response might be: "We’ve found that keeping their routine helps them enjoy the day more. When they’re overtired, it’s harder for them to have fun or stay calm. We’ll all have a better time if they’re well-rested!"
2. "Why are you teaching (insert varying religious preferences) differently?"
When it comes to religious practices, it’s important to stay respectful and firm about your choices. You could say:
"We’ve chosen to approach religion in a way that feels right for our family. It’s important to us that our child learns about these values in a way that aligns with what we believe."
3. “You can have dessert once you’ve finished your dinner plate…”
With older generations, this was ingrained in them due to times of food insecurity. There were actual government campaigns on clearing your plate related to the food shortages during World World 1. These cultural practices get passed down between generations. Therefore, this one can be a sensitive topic. You could respond with:
"We would love to try dessert once dinner is over, but we will not be having the kids finish their entire dinner plates if they feel that they are done with those foods. This is how we work to make sure they have a positive relationship with food in the long-run, by tuning into their hunger and full cues. This is also why we prefer to give the kids smaller portions starting out to minimize food waste with what they cannot finish. How can we help with cleanup?”
4. "Why is your child still rear-facing in the car seat?"
Car seat safety often comes up, and the guidelines have changed over the years. A helpful response might be:
"We follow the latest safety recommendations, and rear-facing is safer for as long as possible. It reduces the risk of injury in case of an accident, and we want to keep them safe."
5. “Have you been a good boy/girl this year?”
Comments like this can be uncomfortable, especially when behavior is involved, and your kids are right there, in real-time, absorbing the conversation around them. A simple but firm response could include redirecting away from labels and letting your kids overhear you speak kindly about them!
"This year has been an amazing year for (insert child’s name). We are so proud of her. She is learning… She loves… and She is looking forward to...”
6. Well, that wasn’t the case in my day, and I turned out just fine!
This one can come up over a number of contexts, and is usually said by older generations when they notice that times have changed. At the root, they may be feeling insecure about having “done it wrong.” One strategy is to validate their perspective and set the boundary on your perspective.
“It is wild how much can change from one generation to the next, isn’t it? We all do the best we can with the information we have in our time! I get why you’d want to do what you’ve always done, but you get to focus on the joys of being (insert their role grandma/aunty/uncle) now, and leave the hard parenting choices to us!”
You’ve got this! Tricky questions about your parenting choices can feel like curveballs, but responding with confidence and respect can help maintain harmony. Don’t hesitate to be firm in those non-negotiables that relate to the safety of your child.