If your child doesn't immediately say, "Thank you," during trick-or-treating or at holiday gatherings, it’s easy to worry that they’re being impolite. But the truth is, children often struggle to speak on the spot, especially in large, stimulating environments. It’s not about rudeness—it’s about their development.
Many kids feel overwhelmed or shy in social settings. Their minds may be racing, trying to process the new environment, people, and excitement, leaving little room for the quick social responses we expect. Simply telling your child to "use your words" can add pressure, making it harder for them to respond. The good news is, there are more effective ways to help.
Give a pause:Silence can feel uncomfortable for parents, but waiting just a little bit for your child to respond can give your child the space they need to gather their thoughts. After a short pause, they may surprise you by saying “thank you” on their own.
Narrate:After the pause has passed and it’s clear your child is not ready to speak, try narrating for your child, which involves stating out loud what is happening and reflecting on how they may be feeling. “Wow, you got a lot of candy! You look unsure of what to say but seem excited!” Then, look to the other person, “Thank you! We really appreciate it.” Connecting gratitude to the behavior of saying thank you can help your child make deeper connections that will help in the future.
Walk the talk:Show your child how it’s done by consistently modeling polite behavior. When you say "Thank you" in various settings – not just on behalf of your child, but as a habit in your own daily interactions – your child sees gratitude as a natural part of interaction. Over time, they’ll pick up on these cues without needing reminders.
This framework helps you prioritize manners in a way that’s effective for genuine learning! Manners can be practiced from an early age, but they can’t be rushed and will take years and years of scaffolding. Keep that in mind as you cultivate learning moments.