With the holidays approaching and a potential uptick in family gatherings, it’s helpful to have a framework to navigate the increased social pressures. It’s not easy traveling, hosting and socializing when you have young children, but here are some tips that can help!
Tip 1: Have realistic expectations, set realistic expectations and make boundaries clear. Toddlers thrive on routine and consistency and in familiar environments with familiar people. They can easily be dysregulated or overstimulated when people, noises, smells, sounds and routines change—all of which can happen during family gatherings. It’s important to have this perspective so you can have realistic expectations for your child as you fine tune what they can handle, and what they may need a break from.
Related, clearly communicate the support your children will need to family members, such as boundaries around nap times, mealtimes, food preferences, breaks and expectations for sitting at a family table. Grandparents, aunts, uncles all love to give unsolicited advice, so being proactive, confident and firm in your approach can help.
Here are a couple of examples of boundary setting:
“When you arrive, X will be napping. As soon as he wakes up he will be available for playing.”
“We are not going to be able to stay for dessert. It’s important that we leave at 6 pm to get home for bedtime.”
Tip 2: Cultivate familiarity and create a “help” signal. For instance, bring a comfort item that they have and a few familiar toys if traveling outbound. This helps your toddler feel secure despite new surroundings. If the gathering is in your home, have a calm space that your toddler can retreat to when they need a break. A bedroom is always a great option for this. Have a signal between you and your toddler that they can use if they need help or are overwhelmed. This is quick and effective, and they then don’t have to try to find the words when they are feeling overwhelmed. Also, make sure to communicate ahead of time changes to routine or social expectations that will likely be tricky. For example, if the holiday meal is a sit down dinner, let them know where they will be seated and how long you expect them to sit at the table. You might say, “You are going to sit next to mommy while we eat dinner. As soon as your belly feels full you may get up to play.”
Tip 3: Prioritize self care within your core family. Our stress level as parents can have an effect on the stress levels of our children. They pick up our aura and vibe. When possible, try to practice some techniques that allow you to stay calm, like deep breathing or maintaining that cozy daily ritual of morning coffee.😉 , Let go of the idea of a “perfect” gathering (it doesn’t exist!), and have a signal with your partner that means, “I need a moment,” so that they can swoop in and support when necessary and vice versa.
Lastly, if traveling to see extended family doesn’t work for this season of your life, that is okay. Maybe it’s the perfect time to start creating smaller traditions with the core family you have created.