When introducing a new baby into the family, embracing and validating all emotions your older child may have, even the undesirable ones like jealousy or regressive behaviors, is essential. Here are some key tips to keep in mind:
Don’t overemphasize the popular advice to “give them jobs to help with the baby.”Inviting your older child to participate in caring for the new baby may appeal to some children, but it is also perfectly okay if they are not interested. Some kids may prefer to observe from a distance. Others may just want 1:1 time with you. Don’t push it or try to rush their involvement with the new baby.
Narrate what you’re doing with the baby and how you think the baby may be feeling.This can help your older child feel less surprised or scared by all the quirks and noises of a newborn. “Baby is rooting! See how they’re opening their mouth? This is your sister’s way of saying she is hungry. I will feed her first, and then we can resume playing blocks on the floor.”
Ask friends, family, and other visitors to greet your older child first before doting on the new baby.Making a point to congratulate and connect to your older child first will go a long way to reassure them that the new baby didn’t replace them and that they are just as seen, loved, and cared for as they were before.
This is a major time of transition, and your child’s age and temperament will play a role in the amount of time they may need to adjust and bond.